anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
