I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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