Barsexuality is the new black.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
