**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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