I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
