Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
