i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
