I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize