how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
