Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
