I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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