you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
