I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
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