I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
