saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
