i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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