It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
