can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
We are two peas in an std pod
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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