I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I didn't notice because vodka
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
