You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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