thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
