If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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