Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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