You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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