so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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