I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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