can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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