I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Boobs speak an international language.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
