Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
