I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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