She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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