you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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