I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize