You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Randomize