Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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