did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
