Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I love having hate sex.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
