i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
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