everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
