ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
