so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
