Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I look better un-naked...
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
