just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize