The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
handjob tips. give me some.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
