i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
