Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
