theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
