If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Randomize
