matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
The power of my boobs compel you
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
PANTIES FOUND
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
