Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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