Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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