She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
