i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
