guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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