she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
