Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
