If that was your dad, he is hot
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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