Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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