He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
did i just pee glitter
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize