I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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