It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
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