Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Randomize
