Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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