The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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