its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
