yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
