he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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