apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
